Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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