dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
