How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
