YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
