I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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