before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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