I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
