If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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