You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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