and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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