the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
