I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
