New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
