K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
