You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
