She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
