the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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