I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
