i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
