i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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