oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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