I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
