remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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