There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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