tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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