Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize