i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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