I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
