headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
