A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
