You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
