Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've blown a few things in my day
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
