I CAN MOONWALK!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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