we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
