i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
