If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
