he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
