Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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