I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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