I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
