I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
