I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
