Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
