I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
These tits shall not be calmed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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