i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
