My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
