So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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