Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
