Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
