lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize