Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
