So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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