I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
