There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
