I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
