If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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