You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
