just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
