Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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