So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
