My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize