you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
