I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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