All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
