Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
