it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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